Q: “What is your name?”
A: “Andrew Scheuchzer.”Q: “How old are you?”
A: “I don’t know. If you want to look younger, wear the Libella corset.”Q: “What is the date today?”
A: “Monday. It’s nice weather today. Gibraltar is running in the Epsom this Saturday.”Q: “What is three times five?”
A: “Why?”Q: “Are you able to count?”
A: “Oh yes. What is seventeen times twenty-nine?”Q: “Leave us to ask the questions, Andrew. Name some English rivers for us.”
A: “The Thames…”Q: “What else?”
A: “Thames.”Q: “You don’t know any others, do you. Who governs England?”
A: “King George. God bless him.”Q: “Very good Andy. Who is the greatest English writer?”
A: “Kipling.”Q: “Splendid. Have you read anything by him?”
A: “No. How do you like Mae West?Q: “It’s better if we ask the questions, Andy. What do you know of English history?”
A: “Henry VIII.”Q: “And what do you know about him?”
A: “The best film in recent years. Fantastic costumes. A great show.”Q: “Have you seen it?”
A: “I haven’t. Get to know England: Buy yourself a Ford Baby.”Q: “What would you most like to see, Andy?”
A: “The Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race.”Q: “How many continents are there?”
A: “Five.”Q: “Very good. And what are they called.”
A.: “England, and the other ones.”Q: “What are the other ones called?”
A: “There are the Bolsheviks and the Germans. And Italy.”Q: “Where are the Gilbert Islands?”
A: “In England. England will not lay a hand on the continent. England needs ten thousand airplanes. Visit the English south coast.”
No, the above dialog isn’t a conversation with a gone-crazy chatbot. It’s actually an excerpt from a book, written almost 90 years ago, that I just finished reading. And the —sometimes weirdo— answers are given by… a talking newt.
“War with the Newts,” by the Czech writer Karel Čapek (1890-1938), presents a dystopic story that explores the consequences of the discovery, training and exploitation of a new intelligent species of amphibian salamander, the Andrias Scheuchzeri.

Initially used for pearl diving and later as a cheap and abundant workforce for industrial undersea labor, the Newts rapidly get smart by learning from humans. As they become more numerous and powerful, tensions escalate and the salamanderd eventually start rebelling against their masters. This is leading to a global conflict with disastrous consequences for Earth and humanity.
Through the eyes of a reader in 2024, the amphibian antagonists in this novel from 1936 may be seen as a unintentional metaphor for today’s fast evolving AI-augmented (ro)bots and the risks associated with turning machines into intelligent beings.
Recommended (science) fiction for everyone who’s concerned about the uncontrolled evolution of Machine Learning and (generative) AI technologies, coupled with mankind’s failure to understand the long-term implications of fostering new forms of intelligence.
Here’s another dialog from the novel’s last chapter, in which the author presents his —not very optimistic— vision for the future:
“So mankind will be put into the service of the newts.”
“Yes, if that’s what you want to call it. They’ll simply be working in factories like they do now. They’ll just have different masters, that’s all. So that means it might not be so different after all…”
“And don’t you feel sorry for mankind?”
“Oh, just leave me alone, for Gods sake! What am I supposed to do about it? It is what the people wanted, don’t forget; they all wanted to have newts, they wanted commerce, industry and technology; civil authorities and military authorities, they all wanted it; even Povondra junior said so: it’s all of our faults.”
A public domain (English) version of “The War with the Newts” novel is available under a Creative Commons Licence on the website of Project Gutenberg Australia.
Footnote: I wrote this post with a little help from, yes, ChatGPT. But, please believe me when I say that I’ve read, savored, and enjoyed Karel Čapek’s book from its first to its last page.











